I am sure you are an awesome person. You probably follow the “Reciprocity Rule,” also known as “The Golden Rule,” whether consciously or unconsciously, you may be giving to charity, you do not hurt others, you do not commit crime. But are those enough to be a likable person? Do you follow the 7 habits of highly Lykeeble people?
Here are the 7 habits of highly Lykeeble people.
1.) Always smiling
Smiling builds instant rapport between people who met for the first time. It is contagious. Imagine you are in a bad mood and someone approaches you with a smile. You have two options, one is to smile back and the other is not to. Most probably, you will smile back. But if you do not, afterwards, you might feel some guilt or realization that you should have smiled back.
Even without uttering a sound, a smile clearly tells a person, “I like you. I’m happy to see you. You make me happy.”
Wearing a smile perfectly matches whatever clothes you have on. It never goes out of fashion. It makes you look attractive. Smiling helps you get in a happy mood, even if you are not. It may even change your life for the better – financially, emotionally, or even physically.
Charles Michael Schwab, the steel magnate, said that his smile was worth a million dollars, according to Dale Carnegie’s book, “How to Win Friends and Influence People.” Dale Carnegie thinks he is understating the truth. Charles Schwab’s Lykeebility was a big factor in his enormous success.
2.) A good listener
People love to talk about themselves – their accomplishments, their skills, their child’s MVP sports award, their pet dog, or even fabricated stories. Let them talk. Encourage them. If you have listened intently, they will like you. Besides, listening to others is a great way to learn something new. Everybody has a unique story to tell. If you do all the talking, you will not learn anything new. Minimize what you have to say and let them do most of the talking.
Some people are not comfortable talking about themselves, like the shy type. You can still make them talk by triggering the right questions. You can either be observant to know the right questions, or you may ask common friends about the person. Everybody is a big baby crying out for attention, and I did not mean that as a bad thing. I know because I used to be the shy type who is not comfortable talking about myself, but still felt good whenever somebody listens.
Here is another effective tip to be more Lykeeble: Remember the name! I know some people claim they have a hard time remembering names, but they are just not trying. Find out a trick that will work for you. Repeat their name after introduction, ask to spell the name if they have a unique one, or visualize the name associated with someone or something. I found out that typing the name on my mobile phone’s notes discreetly after the introduction works for me. I also write additional information about the person so the next time I see them, I can recall something about our previous conversation and ask about it – son’s favorite sport, favorite wine, favorite restaurant, mother’s health.
If you are into sales, I think you will find being a good listener will help you with your sales.
3.) Never argues
Now, this is a tricky habit. Everyone argues every once in a while. You might even disagree that arguing is not necessarily bad and may sometimes be good. Sure, sometimes arguing may lead to positive results, but most of the time it damages your Lykeebility.
Arguing is a lose-lose situation. You lose an argument, you will feel embarrassed and you will look like a fool. You win an argument, you poke holes on the other person’s belief, but how did you make the other person feel? Avoid arguing especially if the other person is higher up the pecking order, even if you are absolutely sure he is wrong.
Sometimes, it is unavoidable to get into an argument. If you have to argue, do it subtly. Welcome the argument. Be thankful that it was brought to your attention and assure that you would do something about it. Check your temper. Anger never solved anything and you would look silly when everything calms down. Look for things you can admit error and apologize for it. Look for areas where you can agree and acknowledge it.
4.) Never speaking ill of anyone
“I will speak ill of no man, and speak all the good I know of everybody.” –Benjamin Franklin
“Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain – and most fools do.” – Dale Carnegie, How to Win Friends and Influence People
Abraham Lincoln learned a valuable experience after criticizing and ridiculing people publicly. He used to write letters openly to everybody who he thinks deserve mocking. One of his targets included a vain and proud politician by the name of James Shields. Lincoln ridiculed Shields publicly by writing anonymous letters to the Springfield Journal. Shields found out who wrote the letters and challenged Lincoln to a sword fight. Lincoln did not want to fight, but he could not get out of this one. They met on a sandbar in Mississippi River to fight till death. In the last minute, though, the fight was interrupted and stopped.
After the incident, Lincoln vowed to never speak ill, criticize, or ridicule anybody. This is the Abraham Lincoln we know.
What good does speaking ill of somebody bring us anyway? It only encourages people to stay away from us. People will soon discover we criticize and put down others that they will avoid us to hide their incompetence and mistakes, regardless if justified or not.
Just like arguing, sometimes criticisms are necessary, but never criticize directly. Usually, people criticize by directly attacking the error verbally. If it does not work the first time, it usually leads to anger, or conflict, until the mistake is corrected. While the error is corrected, the effect is superficial. The other person may continuously comply, but out of fear – that is how terrorism tries to work. It also damage relationships and harmony in families, organizations, businesses, and friendships.
If you have to criticize, do it subtly. If possible, criticize yourself first before stating your criticism for the other person. Say you are a senior in your company and an inexperienced subordinate made a mistake. Do not scold. You may tell the erring individual that you made mistakes when you were a newcomer to the company, too, before handing out the criticism. You may point out that the mistake is not due to incompetence and you trust his abilities. It is just the lack of experience that made the error, and he will do just fine once he gets the “hang of it.” You may also point out the strengths and positive potentials of an individual before expressing the criticism.
5.) Never angry
This is another tricky habit to acquire, or in this case, relinquish. Anger is programmed to virtually every individual since childhood which makes it arduous to eliminate from our list of emotions. While some may believe it is impossible not to be angry, keep in mind there is a tribe in the Philippines, the Tasadays, who does not have a word in their vocabulary for anger, war, or hate (“Awaken the Giant Within” by Anthony Robbins). We just have to reprogram ourselves to abandon anger.
I was once furious that I punched a hole through the drywall in our house. While it seemed logical to get angry at the time, when everything calmed down, I realized nobody will fix the hole but me, and nobody is going to pay for the repairs but me. It will take my time, work, and money to fix the hole. In addition, I felt foolish at the reason why I got angry in the first place after the dust settled. I realized I experience the same foolish feeling every time after a tantrum. This is when I vowed not to be angry again.
We cannot control how others treat us. They may want to intentionally insult, mock, ridicule, or anger us for no reason. That is beyond our control. We are, however, in control of our reaction. It is our choice to be angry, or not, if we want to. We got angry because we chose to be angry. Paraphrasing an excerpt from “The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People” by Stephen Covey – the futility of anger, hate, and blaming becomes relevant when a person realizes that life is short.
6.) A bearer of good news
According to the book, “How to Talk to Anyone” by Leil Lowndes, when a messenger in ancient Egypt brought bad news, his head was literally chopped off. But when good news was delivered, he was treated like a prince. Even today, nobody likes bad news.
When somebody indirectly tells a compliment to another, inform the other person of the compliment. If the boss tells you that your co-worker did a great job, relay the message to your co-worker. If person A tells you that person B has a nice smile, tell person B that person A likes his smile. As long as it is a compliment and you feel that it will brighten someone’s day, do it. People will be happy to be around you if you bring good news.
Also, there are people who are humble enough to hide their accomplishments. If you know about the accomplishments, encourage them to talk about it in front of people. Relay the good news to friends. Make him feel proud.
There are situations, however, that calls for you to bear bad news. In this case, sympathize with the receiver of bad news. Do not be light-hearted when delivering a terrible message. Mirror the emotion of the receiver as if you were
the one receiving the bad news.
7.) Thinks what he likes, but acts like others
Everybody is having fun, being silly, in a party. You think everybody is acting foolish. Be silent and do not tell them that. Do not be the mood killer. Instead, act like them and party on. You may know better, but still act like them and join the fun. In short, do not be the party pooper.
If you express or imply that you know better than everyone else, they might see you as a braggadocio, and that you do not belong. Forget about your ego. Our target is to be Lykeeble, not to be correct, and being Lykeeble may be more beneficial for you in the long run than being correct for 15 minutes of fame, or in this case, annoyance from others.
Word of caution – nothing is absolute. While the 7 habits listed here serves as a guide to becoming a Lykeeble person, there are instances where you should break the rules once in a while.
Do you have anything to add? Comment it below. I would love to hear from you.