loser, dating, love life, teenager, charisma, estrogen, testosterone, hormone, man, manly, girls, date, likable, likeable, likability, likeability, self-improvement, self-help, personality development, personal development, self development

Am I a Loser? An 18-Year-Old’s Problem About Not Having a Girlfriend

I recently encountered an interesting topic on Reddit.com about an 18-year-old man who thinks he is a loser because he can not get a date. He claims his problem is he might not be manly enough physically, hence, the reason girls do not treat him seriously.

Here is the original post by Redditor_Sloavon:

“My family is constantly asking me if I have a girlfriend, expecting a different answer than “no.” Many of my past acquaintances have also asked me, and I can assume they all thought I was some sort of freak for saying “no,” as they usually would just ditch me instead trying to initiate any kind of friendship. I’ve never even dated before. Is that weird for an 18-year-old?

My sister constantly gets hit on by dudes, but is gay, while I have been actively called creepy by chicks who I don’t even interact with. My sister doesn’t seem to understand my situation as she keeps saying I’m young and will get into girls eventually. I am interested girls, but whenever I would try approaching one, I pretty much get rejected without a second thought, sometimes viciously so.

I assume they think I’m gay and confused, or too feminine looking. I’m hit on by guys a lot, and a few women have tried making me their gay best friends. I’m about to just give up on dating. If I’m going to die a virgin no matter what, I’d rather not waste my time.”

He also added this reply on a comment:

“I have pink full lips, moles above them, an hourglass figure, Chun Li legs, long eyelashes, and naturally neat and small eye brows. The only manly feature about me is the small patch of hair on my chin that I shave to avoid looking like a weirdo. I don’t think changing is an option, tbh. And I don’t think I try that hard. I usually just show interest, and get rejected. But I guess I’ll keep trying.”

I should say that his sister getting hit on by men has nothing to do with his problem. He is just comparing himself to another person, which should be a no-no. Comparing one’s self to another person is a sure-fire way to destroy one’s self-confidence. The only person you should be comparing yourself to is yourself. What are you doing to make yourself a better person than yesterday?

Anyway, the Reddit community gave interesting responses and most of it helpful. Here are some of the responses:

1. From AHappyVulture:

“Nonsense, you aren’t a loser. The whole “family constantly asking if I have a girlfriend yet” is quite familiar to me, hell with a lot of people. No you aren’t a loser, far from it. You shouldn’t define yourself based on how many times you have been asked out or rejected. If you are viewing it from that perspective at least you’ve been hit on by guys, right? So there are people that find you attractive. I’ve personally never had anyone come up to me and hit on me or flirt with me, I’ve always been the one to do it (and get rejected a lot too). Most of my friends get hit on all of the time even if they already have girlfriends. So, no you aren’t a loser. Far from it. As for the dying a virgin part…Don’t be silly, nobody dies a virgin. Life f***s us all.”

I definitely agree with AHappyVulture. It is not how many times a person gets rejected. As long as a person keeps trying, the game is not over. That is life’s advantage over sports. In sports, once the game clock expires and you have the lower score, you lose to your opponent. In life, the game clock continues ticking as long as you keep trying.

I like part where AHappyVulture made fun about all of us getting f***ked by life, because it is true.

If a person always gets what he wants, he is going to have a rude awakening when the time comes for him to get rejected, and that is 100% bound to happen.

2. Here is an interesting strategy suggested by Contrary_Terry:

“Have you tried seeing if any of these women who seem to be friendly towards you will be your wing woman (maybe set you up with an acquaintance of theirs)? You could try something like this: hang out with a female friend at a café at some point approach a gal to make small talk, and have your female friend give you a critique on how to let people be more at ease.”

This advice by Contrary_Terry is gold. It is a great strategy. Applying this strategy increases the network of friends, therefore increasing the possibility of a person finding someone attracted to him.

It is like business marketing. If you want more people to buy your product, you have to expose what you offer to more people.

3. Here is a perfect advice from ThePerfectAlias:

“The hourglass figure is a symptom of elevated estrogen levels. Increased estrogen in men can also lead to a lot of emotional problems, so it’s something to get checked out if you think it’s a possibility.

But okay here’s my advice I would give to any 18-year-old who is transitioning from teen to young man: find your own self, and don’t sweat the small stuff. You should value the opinions of others, but don’t obsess over them.

Do what gives you lasting enjoyment out of life. Consider working out because it makes so many things easier and can boost your confidence. It will also naturally boost your testosterone if you do weight training. Go in and have fun with it, learn form, and practice daily.

Invest in relationships with other people, but remember that they’re often going to be temporary (less than 5 years) that’s okay! Enjoy it all the same.

Treat alcohol with the respect that it requires. It will make you fat, lonely, anxious, and miserable if you abuse it. If you drive drunk, you WILL eventually ruin your life and potentially the lives of others.

Constantly work on bettering yourself. I’m not in school right now, but because I don’t work a ton I try to spend 2 hours working out and 1 hour studying per day, minimum. Then I play some video games.

Just remember that you’re loved by many people, man. You’ve got a family and what sounds like a somewhat stable living situation. Use this as a springboard for success.”

I like ThePerfectAlias’ advice about working out. Hitting the gym and doing compound exercises releases more testosterone, the male hormone, which may help make a person appear more manly. Working out also gives a person a boost in confidence level and may indirectly make someone view life positively.

And finally,

4. Here is a valuable advice by Isometric03:

“You are a loser only if you think you are a loser. You have to play a game to lose. Are you a loser because you aren’t rich, I don’t think so. Change your perception and you realize that the concept of losing or winning in life is just kind of bull***t from your culture. Just live your life the way to want.

You want to be something, you do what you can to become that person. Not because it will you make you less of a loser, but because you do whatever the f**k you want to do regardless of the others around you.”

If a person is in the mindset that he is a loser, then he sets up his life to be a loser indeed. Everything is about perspective. Live a life with positive perspectives, and life becomes easier and happier.

Image by Bud Ellison, Flickr, CC.

Have anything to add? Comment it below. I would love to hear it.



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